The Future of Sexuality

Sexuality In The Past

Sexuality in the Anglo and European West for some recent previous generations was a simple affair. In the Victorian worldview, when categorising things was the preoccupation, the population was divided into two categories, men and women. If a person (a subject), founds themselves to be in the category “man”, then their sexual and romantic desires were felt towards someone from the other category: women (the object of desire). The same is true in the exact reverse for people in the category “women”. If the subject was a woman, their object of desire was a man. Simple.

sexuality past (5)

There was, however, a certain Victorian consciousness of male subjects who desired other men as their sexual objects. This phenomenon was considered ‘deviant’, the result of some sort of mistake. The specifics of who was at fault and what to do about the problem make an interesting study in themselves but are not relevant for our purposes.

sexuality past_man

I strongly suspect the Victorians found men desiring men upsetting. Part of this upset was to do with the notion that it violated categories. They believed their categories to be “natural”, part of a higher order. The order was ordained by Science, if not by God. When strange anomalies occured to upset the “natural order”, they found them threatening, not least because these anomalies could seriously bugger up their nice diagram.

This uneasiness over categories is very pertinent. It is an emotional reaction to the perceived threat to a structure which is supposed to be neat, perfect, correct and inviolable. Structures (or categorisations) are only emotionally reassuring, only comforting, if they can rely on claims of (near) absolute Truth, solidity, precision and certainty.

If there are persons or behaviours that call into question the completeness of a category structure, or even the entire structure itself, this is so emotionally unsettling that something must be done to shore up the primacy of the system. If such persons or behaviours are in a clear majority, then the structure needs to be recreated. However, if these anomalies are in a minority it is tempting and common to try to eliminate the inconsistency. In this way persons who are privately having sex with whomever they wish without really thinking about it can come to be perceived as a threat to an entire structure of categorisation and sometimes, because structures rely on other structures, a threat to an entire nation’s public behaviour code, civil liberties, laws and moral fibre.

Sexuality is one such category, and we are still struggling to categorise it correctly today.  We are required to continue wrestling with categories because we still live in a world based mostly on inviolable structures to which we turn on questions about  laws, public behaviour, civil rights and so on.

Sexuality In The Recent Past

The civil rights movement of the 1960s-80s sought to redraw the category diagrams.  In terms of sexuality, it is now a very well-known story of improving “gay rights” in the public realm, triggered by the Stonewall riots and onwards through many milestones. One of the milestones that shows us that the movement has been successful is the achievement of same-sex marriage. Same-sex couples can thus access an array of civil and social privileges that they were previously excluded from.

The new acceptable categories can now be described thus: a male subject usually desires a female object, but sometimes, less commonly, a male subject may desire another male as their object. The same is true in reverse. A female subject typically experiences desire for a male object, but sometimes, less commonly, a female object. There are two new categories, “heterosexual” and “homosexual” that apply equally to men and women. The categories look quite nice again now, with a lovely symmetry down the middle.

sexuality recent past full crop

hetero-homo (1)

I couldn’t decide which diagram to include, so here are both.

Sexuality Now

In recent years the “homo” half of the diagram has begun to use the acronym LGBT(Q), standing for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and (Queer). This is an attempt to recognise that lesbians and gay men are not the only people who are “not straight”. Each time a movement arises to point out that there are more groups within in the “not straight” space, a new letter is added to the acronym. LGBT is currently an accepted basic standard.

At the moment there is a lot of activism and discontent around the lip-service adoption of the B and T letters because most organisations fail to actually provide meaningful services for, or inclusion of, bisexual and trans people. These categories have been very grudgingly added to the diagram.

This unease exists because these two groups “upset the diagram” once again. The bisexual movement currently suffers from erasure, while the trans movement is not actually about sexuality at all. None the less, I will argue that the (much younger) trans movement has been more successful than the bisexual movement to gain recognition.


The trans movement has recently come to prominence as a group of people who experience something unusual about their gender. Both feminists and trans people have come up with a language to speak about the difference between biological gender, known as sex, and the social construct of gender i.e. the way people are expected to behave or “perform” in social life which is based on their sex but not necessarily inherent in it.

The trans movement has pointed out that it is possible to have gender dysphoria, which means extreme anxiety relating to sex and gender. In the most clear-cut of cases some people are born strongly feeling that they are biologically one sex, but their body appears to have most or all of the characteristics of the other sex. This is detectable at a very young age, often pre-puberty. The feeling of mismatch is so strong that people with dysphoria are more likely to be depressed and some may take their own lives.

Recent campaigns for the rights of trans people have become quickly prominent and successful. Some Anglo-Euro nations have begun to sanction via state benefit the hormonal and surgical treatments for trans people to “transition” from one sex to the other, whereupon the symptoms of gender dysphoria can be eased.

Trans people still suffer from terrible social treatment (not least a very high chance of being murdered for appearing to be gender-nonconforming) however I think the success of the trans movement in civil/legal terms has been partly due to the fact that this revelation about trans-ness has not upset the category diagram too badly. Now we have a small minority who would like to switch from the known categories of “man” and “woman”.

sexuality now 2

Being trans is an issue to do with sex/gender, rather than sexuality. It is orthoganal to the goals of the diagram but, happily it does not disrupt it too much. Apart from the switch between categories, transmen and transwomen still have a subjective sex/gender and still identify their sexuality according to the sex of themselves in relation to the sex of their object of desire.

Background Bisexuals

The bisexual movement has existed for as long as the “gay” civil rights movement. Indeed in the early days there was little differentiation between gay and bisexual because the issue at hand was same-sex relationships and legal rights. However the bisexual worldview has been sidelined because it is hard to understand, hard to lobby for, appears to “muddy the water” of essentialist messages of what it is like to be gay and people who are willing to identify as bisexual keep going in and out of existence.

Therefore, the bisexual (and intersex, asexual and other “queer”) thoughtforms and practices have been dropped from the public gay agenda for being too confusing. These priorities and people have been erased from gay awareness.

So while organisations now label themselves LGBT, the B in particular is almost universally ignored. I believe this is because bisexuality upsets far too many assumptions about how to categorise people and sexualities.

Here is my attempt to include bisexuality on the diagram:


sexuality now with bi

I added the grid to make it more confusing

Bisexual people occupy both sides of the diagram, because they can be a man or a woman, and then they have all these extra labels because they can desire either a man or a woman, or a man and a woman! That pesky and/or causes quite a lot of confusion. This spread across the diagram even calls into question whether the genders of either the subject or the object matter at all, which is the very foundation of the diagram!

Bisexual people have no place to be, a third wheel in the hetero/homo binary, excluded from both groups depending on the gender of their current partner, but still not included even if their partner is a match. Bisexuals are treated with suspicion because they seem to violate the purity boundary between gay and straight. Bisexual people themselves flip-flop between “being” gay and straight because being “half” anything never worked.

Studies of sexuality exclude bisexual people for ‘throwing off’ the results. Many straight scientists call the sexuality “indeterminate” and gay and lesbian people call it “on the fence” and “halfway out”.

Bisexual people also tend to come out at a much older age than straight or gay people, partly because many people experience their sexuality as something that changes over time, rather than as something essential they were born with, or that happened to them growing up as a child that they can’t control. This notion has been the cornerstone of gay rights, and to think that one has any control over their sexuality, or that it can change, is taboo.

Most people who have bisexual feelings take care to not identify with this reviled label, thus creating the illusion that this sexuality is a tiny minority, which is good for everyone else because bisexuality is so upsetting to the diagram that it cannot be tolerated.

(NB: if you unscientifically read between the lines of other data sets and hang out in bisexual activism circles, it seems clear that at least 40% of the population have behaved in a bisexual way in their lifetimes).

Straight and Queer

It has become increasingly common recently for the LGBTQI+ community to ditch all the letters, because they are becoming quite a mess, and adopt a former slur “queer” as an umbrella term to easily point to “not straight”. This umbrella has the advantage of pointing to a fairly large group (up to 20%) of the population while being non-specific about what it means, other than it’s in the gender & sexuality mess space. In this way it can encompass all the pesky extra weirdos with just one term, and reinstate the precious binary.

This is an opportunity for another way to organise the diagram.

The “queer” side is still just lesbian and gay, with its perfect symmetry of straight, but we’ve added the other weirdos (trans and bi) on the side. While these people apparently make up a minority, it still makes the categorisations looks awkward.

straight-queer (1)

Intersex, Questioning and Asexual need to go on the right but I ran out of space

This straight/queer grouping is supposed to be reassuring and it has worked for a while (for straight/gay people) but it seems like an unsatisfactory way to “contain” all the “mess” of people who are not-straight.

On the other hand, bi people flock to the word “queer” if not the community. More on that below.

However, this is not the only possible taxonomy.

Bisexual and Monosexual

I’m going to let you into a secret of the bisexual community, when those communities have enough structural momentum to temporarily coagulate. Bisexual people sometimes use an alternative binary to describe the world. It consists of Monosexuals (60%): those who are attracted to only one gender and Bisexuals (40%): those who are attracted to more than one gender. When bisexuals are prominent as a category, rather than treated as an enormous “anomaly”, a very different diagram appears.

bisexual-monosexual (1)

This representation gets closer to the world from a bisexual point of view. The gender of the subject is completely dropped from bisexuals in this worldview, because the label would say “man or woman” attracted to “man and woman”, which is pretty pointless. In the bisexual world, the diagram is not based on the gender of subject and object. So it also doesn’t matter if you are trans, or if your object of desire is trans.

“Monosexual” is the label for those strange people who insist on gender being the ultimate factor for sexual subjects and objects, and “Bisexual” is for those who do not. Monosexual people can still be trans, and I am remiss for not including it back on the diagram. At any rate they fit ok in the monosexual categories too.

How successful is this model? In my experience, people who are not bisexual, and even those who disagree strongly with bisexuals, tend to congregate in bisexual spaces. These include trans, intersex, agender, asexual and neuro-atypical people, as well as straight and gay of course. The true “umbrella” queer world, in my view, is the bisexual space, because everyone can fit there, with no dogma on gender or sexuality that fundamentally rejects what they feel inside.


At this point the actual word “bisexual” is simply meaningless. It originally meant “two” sexes and now the bisexual community defines it as “more than one”, in opposition to monosexuals, who only like one. But if gender is not really in the picture any more, why are we using these terms to define sexuality? Some activists have tendered the word “multisexual” as the opposite of monosexual, however this has largely failed. It has failed because using the idea of gender to define sexuality is pointless to bisexual people. This binary of bisexual/monosexual is unstable, and contains the seeds of its own destruction.

If not bisexual, then what? While ‘monosexual’ still seems somewhat descriptive for those with single-gender tastes, we have no good name for everyone else. The diagram is not based on gender, so the meaning of the words is dissovling before our eyes. The bisexual label has disappeared, with just a gap in its place. This is why so many bi people say “I’m just me” when asked to identify their sexuality. The question of their sexuality is mu. The true answer is outside of the frame of the question.

(I will, however, continue using “bisexual” for this article for lack of any other good word.)

I believe if we take the implications of the bi/mono model to their logical conclusion, if we run headlong into the black hole, we can finally dissolve or explode our categories of sexuality altogether. We can find new ways of making meaning about this attribute: sexuality.

Let’s explode

The danger of spectrums

When seeking new ways to define sexuality, it will be tempting to describe attributes as “spectrums”. Let’s take gender as an example. We have already said that bisexuality removes gender from the concerns of sexuality.  However, most people do have some preferences when it comes to gender.

Two scientists have so far tried to classify bisexual preferences. Kinsey designed a spectrum (with numbers 1-6). Number 1 means those who are exclusively heterosexual and number 6 means those who are exclusively homosexual, with number three meaning you are equally attracted to men and women. This spectrum is sort of useful but has many problems.

One problem is that this Kinsey number changes as soon as you modify any part of the question. The dimensions of time (past, present and future), fantasy, sex drive and levels of opportunity all play a huge role in how one’s attractions can be rated on the scale.

In comes the Klein grid, attempting to make sense of these different desires, where you rate your Kinsey number for fantasy, the past, the present etc. and end up with a grid of different numbers. This is quite fun at first,  however as their own website shows, this taxonomy soon dissolves into nonsense. As I’ve written before, these are well-intentioned attempts at eternalising an inherently nebulous thing.

The truth is, sexuality is nebulous and refuses to be pinned down by number scales. Level of attraction to one gender does not really relate to attraction to another gender along a sliding scale. They are not even on the same scale! Placing an apparent binary at opposite ends of a single scale is a mistake. It is still within the old gender binary way of thinking.

Factors, influences, preferences

It is easier to say that gender is a factor, but one with as variable importance as any other number of attractiveness factors, such as: body shape, eye colour and social status. It is perfectly possible to find both blue eyes and brown eyes attractive and to prefer blue eyes does not say anything at all about how much one likes brown eyes. These are all just factors of attraction.

Now that we are looking for factors of attraction, the landscape becomes clearer. Factors of attraction in the object of desire can be physical attributes, mental attributes and social attributes. There are also a number of factors relating to the subject experiencing attraction too. One’s age, sex drive, hormone balance, sexual practices and turn-ons are all big factors in attraction.

Cruicially, one lesson from the bisexual world is that preferences can change. It is not threatening to think that one used to prefer blondes but now like brunettes, but it is currently taboo to say that one used to prefer women and now finds men attractive too. The essentialist argument was important for gay rights, but now it is damaging all of us by impying that sexuality can never change. When we acknowledge change, our various identity labels can change too, with much less harm than is caused now.

When thinking about all of these preferences and factors, common configurations emerge. The queer world has been making headway inventing names to refer to these clusters of attributes, such as: femme, boi, bear, butch, cub, twink, unicorn. The straight world has far fewer words, but they exist, such as ‘cougar’, even if they do get ruined  (‘sapiosexual’ anyone?) However there could be much greater mileage in identifying and naming these common configurations.

Gender will very much still be in there, since not-trans straight people are still the most common. These days one ticks some boxes on dating sites e.g ‘male’ looking for ‘female’ and this new model would be just as simple. Non-transgender people are known as cisgender and most people are straight, or heterosexual. ‘Cishet’ is the word for the common configuration of “cisgender” and “heterosexual”. It is already commonly used in the queer world. So now you might tick the box ‘cishet’ looking for ‘femme’. Simple.

None of this is new. Dating sites have been trying to capture these preferences with more or less success for decades. I simply believe that our conceptual models, which are exclusively based on gender, are holding us back from realising the broad potential of sexuality.

Sexuality In The Future

Given the avenues of thought provided by Bisexuality, the future of sexuality could be very different. Rather than see sexuality as a biological binary because it depends on the biological “binary” of gender, sexuality can be seen as a personal attribute with both biological and cultural components that is affected by many factors.

Like other human attributes a person’s sexuality is both enduring and also evolves over time. It features many strands of influence, some biological, some social. Most of these strands are context-specific, some occur all the time. Some strands of attraction relate to the subject of desire and some strands relate to the object of desire. Some refer to social context, some are factors totally outside of our control, while some strands can be readily changed by new interactions or even conscious effort.

Many of these strands commonly appear together and so colloquial labels will continue to grow up around these clusters to make it easier to describe oneself and who one desires, but these labels should be seen as flexible, incomplete and eventually, obviously, they will go out of date.

In this model, changing one’s own gender, or changing which genders one is attracted to is unproblematic, just as liking blondes or brunettes is unproblematic now.

Some scales apart from gender seem obviously very useful, such as sex drive. Some people have no sexual desire at all, and some people prefer to have sex every day. Surely matching with a person on sex drive is just as important as on gender (if you’re monogamous). The ways that age can interact with sex drive seems very interesting. Should we be encouraging more sex between older women and younger men, for example?

What other scales and dimensions come into play with sexuality?

New Diagrams

I think some of the current ways of thinking about sexuality are still useful when providing a simple model for people who need that. Much like high school physics, we could present a simpler model to high schoolers that is oversimplified. Then, just as with physics undergrads, the more complex model can be revealed when the person is cognitively ready for it. Perhaps in high school we will still use this diagram:


and for those who are cognitively ready it will look more like this, a many-stranded colourful cluster of changeable attributes and preferences:

sexuality future

I imagine this to be like colourful strings of yarn, and there would be hundreds of strands all dangling before us. Each person can grab lots of strings, and grab different ones on different days. A certain group of strings might have a label that describes it, and one’s own fistful might be quite similar to the label, but each person’s fistful o’ yarn will also be unique. This diagram does not have hundreds of strings, but you get the idea.

I think that if we adopt this way of approaching sexuality, our conceptions of it can go from this:

sexuality now 2

to this:

rainbow harp

Rainbow Harp! Image by Sheppard Arts

…without too much hardship. Looks like fun!


Sexuality and gender don’t belong in boxes forever, and it’s not too hard to think outside them. We can conceptualise sexuality as a personal attribute that depends on many factors and evolves over time. We may simplify this for those who need it, but the complex model should underpin adult life.


  • Diagrams are harder to make than they look.
  • Bi people are fun! You should hang out at their parties.
  • I got the inspiration for this blog post from a strangely coherent dream.

Post Script

I did not realise when I started this post that I am proposing the end as we know it of sexuality labels and ditching LGBT. By the end of this post I realised that’s exactly what I’m doing. While this is scary, I think it may actually be the right time. The straight /L / G project has been pretty successful. There’s very little left to do. In order to achieve the goals of B, a turning-inside-out of assumptions has to happen. As a bi activist, I started to realise that, rather than berate people for not identifying as bi (which causes sooo many organisational problems), or berate others for being so prejudiced towards “b” that no-one will identify as it, I decided I should accept how others feel and behave, understand why, and work with it. Work to push it further in its own direction, rather than force it into boxes. This might be one way of doing that? I’m not certain. As I said, I woke up from a dream with this all in my head, you can let me know if it makes any sense.



Books of 2017

Books of 2017

Screen Shot 2017-12-21 at 12.56.31


that Santa Baby book because it had themes of abuse! Too emotional for night time reading. Also a bit crap.

Antifragile Naseem Taleb – read plenty of it, but couldn’t force myself through the final third.

Reflections 2017

Reflections on the past year. I feel proud of how long this calendar year has felt. It’s nice to balance the feeling of vertigo I get when I reflect on how old I am vs hold I feel with the sensation that I have crammed a lot into a single year.

The start of the year was all trips to Portugal, to our new land. I luckily found some work too, overseas no less. Early summer was stressful looking for more work, but I had some good weekend holidays and BiCon too. Then work, endless work until October. But that month is a traditional time for new beginnings, it seems. More Portugal, then a final push of other travelling and events. I visited the Isle of Bute in Scotland and I’m taking my driving theory test today, for the second time in my life.

All this on the backdrop of communal warehouse life, and something else. The background of thinking, always thinking.


So, judging by my diaries from last year autumn is a time for change, and boning! Same thing this year too, happy days. I am now edging, very slowly, towards my own personal ideal minimum number of boys (three). And my, oh my, the latest escapade was gooooooood. Had some female-flavoured sexy interaction too, which as usual has left me extremely thoughtful about roles and gender.

My family and friend relationships have really been improving this year. My nephew is now nearly two, and alongside seeing much more of that sister, I’ve also been seeing more of my cousins and other sister. I am finding these relationships really satisfying. Despite the sadness of two grandparents passing away, the cousins on that side of the family are now genuinely warm with each other and aware of each other’s lives. It felt so good to great each other warmly, while the older generation are distant.

My longer term partner and my best friend provide relationships that feel like very solid foundations upon which I build my life, and I feel privileged to experience such security and affection.

I’m starting to meet the people of the Philosophy Twitterverse in meat space, which is very exciting. This techincally started last year, just a few months after I first found Meaningness but one friendship in particular blossomed this year, while another has just begun. I hope to meet up with the same people more next year, and meet others too. Chuffed about this.

Made friends with a new housemate and it’s been excellent.


Was it really this year that I separated this blog from the philosophy one? I guess it was, all the way back in January. Well, Theory Engine was born and I feel very smug about the name. It also inspired me to move back to more personal topics on this blog, which was great.

I also founded my fortnightly meet called Balcony Philosophy that has yielded excellent conversation and reading lists.

As I said, I met some people in meat space, which has brought me (digitally) closer to some of the others, woo-hoo! Finding these peers and elders feels really good, and when lots of them are in the Bay Area kinda-rationalisty space it feels really cool in a Bloomsbury type way. I want more!

(I think last year’s missing Philosophy section, that I was going to write in the reflections post, would have described reading Meaningness, then spontaneously starting to write my own stuff. I thought I’d need discipline and tricks to get me writing and keep me doing so, but as it turned out I couldn’t help but snatch as much time as I could to write posts in between all my summer travels. I commented on meaningness and slatestarcodex to get their attention, while following up on Twitter. It worked and occasionally I got mentioned in tweets or roundups. It was very satisfying to participate in the online bloggy philosophy world. Now that it’s extending into real life I am super stoked!)


This year I worked over the summer, though the contract started a bit later than I would have liked. I failed to earn a whole year of salary, but was as near as dammit. It’s been two months since I finished and only slowly getting back the philosophy mojo. Three months in one go was hard, but I learned some things, both code-wise and about getting on in offices. I loved working in the City. My London love continues without letup.

Earlier in spring, when I was just about out of cash from last year, I had a contract in the states for a couple of weeks. I got to see San Fran for one day and made some lasting freelance friends.

Bi Stuff

I went back to BiCon this year, after a gap of three. It was excellent and affirming to see old friends there. BiCon is important in a way that’s hard to describe but “Bisexual Christmas” is pretty close. I feel more secure and happy than previous years, and truly not expecting too much this time, so I had some meaningful interactions. I also broke my toe.

Represented Bis at Pride, went well. I love the Pride parade. Also had a Bivisibility Day cake party in September, because I’ve been realising that there is a bi culture, and it’s pretty cool and super important. It’s a full way to be, and everyone should be able to know about it. One of my favourite parts of bi culture is the term “monosexual” as the opposite of “bisexual”. We don’t say it infront of them though.

This bi activism thing has simply not gone away, even in the midst of my “I don’t believe my politics any more” phase. It’s clearly fun & meaningful to me so I guess I’ll keep doing it.


I have been so proud of how long this year has felt. I have been on seven international trips: three for work (San Fran and Munich twice) and four to Portugal. I also finished up the year visiting Scotland.

We began clearing work on The Land in January, have had architects plans drawn up and now we are canvassing quotes for the house to be built. I cannot wait.

Portgual trips seem to warp time, where it’s hard to remember what came before one’s life of getting up with the sun, hard work under the bright sky, peeing anywhere you want and cutting logs for the fire. It seems like that life has gone on forever and London is a distant memory. At the same time, when I get back to London, it is as if the last events that happened to me there occurred just yesterday, which can’t be right. I get this strong feeling of not knowing how long I’ve been gone.

Anyway, I’ve deliberately disrupted my routines / not gotten into any outside of work and this year has been a subjectively long one, which is great!

Mental Health

Have been feeling mostly fine. It’s like a sleeping monster. I still get that panic about dying at night sometimes, but with big gaps between occurences. I feel like I have a few different ways to calm it down.

Something happened to me in Portugal in November. Some kind of unlocking to do with enjoying pleasure in the moment. I can feel it in the background all the time now. It’s making life better, this quiet focus on the pleasurable body. It has inspired one swimming session, and I hope it leads to more exercise, exercise with a more consistent motivation. I’m certainly suddenly interested in yoga, including the sprititual practice, which is a change from before.


I’ve come to feel that Heathrow Terminal 2 is the best airport terminal in the world. I love London so much. I love my living situation less. Hard to not post projections for the future, maybe I’ll write those down separately.


Hands on Vulvas

The inspiration for this post came from two places.

One place was an article about fingering which, while it was great to see one of my favourite things as the subject of an article, was a crashing disappointment in terms of the scanty advice it actually offers.

The second place was a personal event: I had two-in-quick-succession sexual encounters where my sexual partner (one male, one female, I might add) was completely stumped when I said I didn’t enjoy receiving oral sex. They literally had zero moves once licking my vagina was off the table.

Some brief addresses

I just want to briefly address that second one first because, well, surely it’s obvious that you don’t necessarily need fingering to get you out of this particular no-oral-sex conundrum. I mean, I have skin, like, all over my body. You could touch that somewhere. Anywhere really. And not only that, but I have a variety of explicitly sexually charged body parts like a mouth, a butt, two breasts and I haven’t banned you touching my vagina! But we’ll get to that. Anyway, why do you have no game when I say your tongue touching my vagina is kinda “meh”? So yeah before you read this you could go and think about rubbing ears erotically or weenus massage and how to stimulate sensitive nipples, and the like and then come back.

Another address: the word “fingering” is kinda high-schooly. I am a bit ambivalent about it; on one hand it seems childish and a teensy bit… well, violent? But on the other hand high school slang is kinda nice, non-sciencey and filled with that flush of anticipation. Ref: “making out”. There are not many great alternatives for fingering. My sexual health nurse once described such sex as “digital” which, while delightfully linguistically accurate, could also be confusing and it’s not that sexy. So let’s try to be our best selves with the word “fingering” and be happy that I’ll be using the phrase “vulva” and “vulvic massage” a fair bit too (ewww) (ps “vagina” is the inside bit, “vulva” is the outside bit).

Finally, not everyone is into being penetrated until waaaay later on or not at all. This article presumes that you and your partner have discovered that fingering is on the table.  If you have a partner like me, they will have listed “penetration” in their likes, which is deliberately ambiguous to leave room for digital possibilities (arf arf) but if that has not happened to you then you can say,  “do you like having things in you?” “can I put my hands on you? / in you?” etc.


Hold up! Your mind has already gone way too far. Your fingers are already in the wet bits aren’t they? No! This section is actually called…

Vulvic Massage

(My word is my bond). Ok so this partner likes penetration, (and maybe doesn’t like oral). Our purpose here is to go from chatting about work all the way to penetration by the big, big things (yay). Oral is everyone’s go-to because it’s intimate and wet and stuff and really gets the mind going in the right direction too. Well how do we do that without using our face? We use our hands.

First step – touch their genitals please! You can start this very lightly if you like. I once had a guy massage my inner thighs, up and down, getting nearer and nearer to my pubic hair without actually touching it. When he finally did snag a stray curly thread it was one of the best things I’ve ever felt.

But it doesn’t have to be that light. I normally try to describe to my partners the idea of massaging a vulva. Think about it, this poor mound of flesh has been crushed into tight underwear, further reinforced by obligatory “skinny”, “stretch” (read: “crush”) jeans, with a giant seam in the crotch right where your softest flaps are, and we’ve crushed them further by keeping out legs tightly crossed, crushing ourselves into the smallest size a human body can possibly occupy in physical space. We’ve been totally ignoring this part of our bodies all day. This non-existent (Barbie), embarrassing (camel toe) feminine (don’t show it at work), most vulnerable, most dangerous, most powerful place between our legs has gone unnoticed for hours, days even…You get the idea.

We’re here to say sorry to this vulva for ever forgetting it and to make it happy again. Use massage style strokes across the whole mound or gently manipulate the skin of the outer labia / around the outer labia area. Don’t use much force, we are not unknotting a muscle, we are uncreasing a piece of skin, like an ear or weenus (yes that homework was relevant). We are coaxing blood flow to the area, uncreasing all the wrinkles and releasing any trapped sweat. We’re also showing the person we are really into them and their sexy parts.

Don’t touch anything from the inside yet, no inner labia (even if they protrude) or vagina. That would be like giving someone a face massage and jabbing your finger up their nose. That’s not the point. We are not wet enough for any of that yet. We are plumping the pillows, giving a little shjouj to the room. Vulva.

I think this is where that apparently really stupid sex advice of “gently pulling the pubic hair” will genuinely be something you can do. If your partner has pubic hair (seriously why am I still the only one?) then you could in fact curl a lock of it (not a single hair) around your finger a bit or hold it with your thumb and very gently pull it, just enough to move the outer labia around over the inner. This strikes me as similar to a scalp massage, where for a change you might gently pull their hair, or gently pull someone’s ear for the extra tingle. Only do one small pull per area of skin but a couple of different areas should really waken the nerve endings up from their slumber.

You can do a bit of actual tissue/muscle massage here too. I find a thumb in the crease between my labia and my thigh is a spot that can handle some good massage. The pressure is more towards the vulva than the thigh, but even just sliding your thumb into that crease will do you no wrong. Similarly, if you’re in the same position you would be in for oral, facing the mistress as it were, you can probably reach the bit between vulva and butt cheek. There’s a bone in the pelvis there that hurts from sitting on it all day. Also you’re massaging their butt. Nice.

Finally, you could massage the outer labia enough with your hands to gradually tease apart the inner labia in preparation for the next bit.

There’s an endless variation with this stuff because each person is different but I hope this has inspired you to spend a few minutes exploring the idea of massage on a vulva and why it’s good.

Wet bits

Ok we’ve done well. We’ve touched our partner’s bits, which means we definitely like them as a person and as a vulva. They actually have some blood flow now and they’re more likely to be thinking about sex. Now we need to make sure they are wet enough for big penetration.

You can finally put a finger in a wet bit, but we are literally testing the waters at this stage.

At this point, some people are making the sheets wet from dripping, or their vagina is like an oil slick, so much so that you’re not sure which bit is clit, flaps, or vag hole. If so, they need big penetration right now, no need for more fannying around, just move on to whatever toy or flesh penis or duckbill-hand-shape you were gonna use next.

But if they’re not, there’s more to do. At this point everyone cries lube! Use more lube! And they are not wrong, but lube has drawbacks too.

All kinds of lube sting me, especially if I’m abraded from my last sexual encounter, but basically all the time. Don’t argue with me! I come out in a rash when I take a warm shower! My skin is sensitive. I’m telling you all kinds of lube stings and burns all the time, and you can’t tell me my own experience, so shush. I don’t want to be stung and burnt.

The other drawback is that if I’m not wet, that can also mean I’m not ready. I am capable of pretty extreme arousal, but if we use lube right now we will skip some of the process and we’ll come across a rock hard, small cave vagina that has not had time to fluff up the internal pillows, which is no fun for either of us. Even worse, you’ll be able to slide in and out of there without any resistance and it will hurt.

So, let’s set about giving our vulva-owner an internal hard-on/massage this time, complete with free lube.

Still not inside yet!

We have got ahead of ourselves again. Here’s why.

If we are not endangering penguins and sea birds with our oil slick, then our vaginas only have a little bit of wetness available. This is a delicate moment. It may not seem it but the skin on a finger is like litmus paper on a tiny drop a fluid, a single digit is capable of sucking up all the moisture we had and now we really will need lube. So! Don’t waste what we’ve got.

This is also the moment to mention the “don’t forget the clitoris” advice from the article I linked to at the top. It’s true, please don’t forget it, we have two functioning penises down here and it’s damn rude to just ignore one of them.

Oral sex aficionados would use this moment to start getting their tongues out for that clitoris. Tongues are warm, wet and gentle. But we are in fingering school here so allow me to suggest another way.

You can’t just poke that clitoris with a dry finger. That would feel like sandpaper on the tip of the tongue, but more painful, because clitorises don’t eat crisps on the regular. So where does the moisture come from? I hear you cry. Well, I always think of my vaginal opening as like an ink pot. If you were to stick all your fingers all the way down there now all the moisture would be sucked into your skin and we’d be done for. But if you stay outside, and dip the end of your finger in the ink well from time to time, it will never run dry.

If there’s no moisture at all at the opening of their vagina check you are in the right place, the vagina is close to the anus, quite far away from the clit in some cases. You may want to massage open your person’s various flaps (lol) so you can get access. If there’s still none, do something else (do they have sensitive nipples?) or lick your finger or use a tiny dot of lube.

So, dip a finger in the moisture and spread it around. We are kind of doing the vulva massage again but this time on the inner labia and this time with lady-cum. You might not be able to spread the first bit all the way around and up the mountain of the clitoris but just go back to the ink pot. Once your fingers are a bit wet and the clitoris is a bit wet and everything in between is a bit wet you can start rubbing the clit without fear of the sandpaper thing. That bit of clitoral stimulation is helping the ink-ducts (ok this is weird now) to produce some more fluid and now you have replenished what you used and have a bit more to work with. You can do the whole process a few more times, dunking in the inkwell a bit further to see how things are going inside and spread that wetness around before it all absorbs into your finger.

I know this sounds a bit laborious but this bit doesn’t have to take long, like 30 seconds – 2 minutes tops.

Ok, finally, finally…

Put your fingers inside

Now that you’ve got some moisture production going you can put your fingers inside, and it will feel good after all that inkpot teasing.

Put one finger in just to make sure you haven’t got the wetness level wrong and to introduce the idea that we’re going inside, but by now I think everyone’s ready for more than one poxy finger, so let’s have at least two at this point and you can probably work up to three quite quickly.

Now we have a paradox. Our fingers are now leeching moisture out of the vagina, but we all want them in there, but still stay wet. So! Our job is still to make our partner horny and wet. There are a couple of glands in the vagina that produce vaginal fluid and somewhat terrifyingly they are probably there to aid childbirth or some shit. They may or may not be the same areas that produce intense pleasure too. Anyway the point is they are there in the vaginal wall and they are activated by pressing on them, really quite hard. Let me stress, it is pressure on these areas that gets it going, not necessarily thrusting in and out. The thrusting only helps in the sense that, since we don’t know exactly where these points are, a certain amount of sliding around increases the probabilities of actually pressing on it. The thrusting also uses up moisture, so don’t overdo it.  I would suggest really slowly sliding slightly in, and slightly out and when you slide back in again the vagina may have swelled with blood some more so you’ll have more room at the top end to go further in. When you slide back out, you are not in fact sliding your hand back out at all, that would let loads of moisture get lost! You’re just moving your hand backwards a tiny bit to vary the pressure on the vagina, then moving further in again. You’re now trying to literally climb inside your partner with your hand. Which is hot.

The pressure thing is the reason that the article above has lots of women complaining about a single finger sitting limp inside of them. Peeps: we can’t feel that. These vaginas are made to accommodate penises and giant fucking babies. Once I’m wet enough for fingers to be in, they need to be in, lots of them. Taking up all available space in a vagina with almost your whole hand maximises the pressure all the way round the walls, where the ducts and pleasure centres live. These pleasure centres are on all the walls, mind. Yes you’ve been taught the g spot is on the “front” wall of the vagina, like you’re trying to rub their belly button, but from the inside. But the “back” wall, towards their bum has parts that feel great and produce fluid too (does your partner like anal? I wonder WHY). So it really is about pressure all the way round, top to bottom.

Having said that, now that you know the rules, you can bend the rules. If you keep pressure on the walls of the vagina, you could use just one finger, or maybe two, you just have to be doing the right things with it.

I would strongly suggest that at this point you need to make use of your thumb or your other hand to start touching their clit again. If it’s gone dry (likely), bring the wet hand out and give it some moisture but for the love of God put it back in again, we haven’t come this far for tiny little clit rubs all by themselves. We’ve been escalating this shit. So, wet hand back in, apply pressure, other hand gently massaging the clitoris. I think I should stress that it’s at this moment that you understand why drummers and juggles get laid so much. You need to be doing hard, not very subtle things with one hand (internally), applying force and very slowly grinding that thing in and out, while the other hand is trying to be light and feathery and quick-moving, starting and stopping, gently but quickly rubbing etc.  And you have to do both at once. It’s a nightmare to keep up for long (unless you’re a drummer or a juggler)(they’re so dreamy). So yeah, concentrate! The answers are coming.

Ok right, we have hopefully applied some slidey pressure and clit rubs such that our partner is creating more fluids, hopefully making nice noises and starting to crush our hand with their formidable pelvic floor muscles. If they are not, they don’t want to be fingered after all and if they are but there is still not enough lady-grease then it’s time for lube.

I think this sliding in an out with your hand thing should also not really last too long. We are attempting to go from chit-chat to big penetration and we’ve achieved that pretty well I think.

No fucking around now, time for the big guns.

Final tips

During oral, you can normally see what you’re doing if you need. Less so with fingering. You can go and look when you’re fingering too, that’s fine, especially during the massage phase. But it might be more fun to get used to “seeing” with your hands. This method of “seeing” during sex will also bring you much closer to my mindset (and so to other people who do “sexual trance”), and may help you understand why my eyes are closed all the time – I’m “watching” you inside me! Doing all this stuff with your hands also leaves your face nearby to their face so you can kiss your partner while you’re doing all these things, yay!

Wash your goddam hands. Always.

Cut your fingernails. That part about fingernails in the movie FightClub was a deliberate, tragic reference to directionless masculinity. When Jack says “Fight Club became the reason to keep your fingernails short”, is a direct nihilist mirror image of the other reason a man keeps his fingernails short. Fingering vaginas. So yeah, whatever your gender, cut and buff soft your fingernails.

Finally, this post is obviously heavily influenced by my own preferences and by my own experiences of fingering vaginas, but I think there are some solid ideas and techniques in there. Always stay in communication with your partner, whether its physical, verbal, through breathing patterns, noises or whatever. If you’re unsure, slow down and stop.

Have fun peeps!

(Unfinished)Reflections on 2016

EDIT: This post was left unfinished. I publish now for the interested reader.

Change, change, change again!

I’m particularly keen on the reflections post this year because a friend recommended that I record how I think now, in order to have an interesting history of how my thinking changes over time.


Well, 2016 opened with a continuation of much that was happening in December. Two things were pertinent in January, I was working a contract and I was getting fortnightly talking therapy on the NHS.

I was in an office full time. The commute was long and grey, the days were grey and the company itself was a bit grey too. Related to health insurance. Sane people, just a little dull. Even the tube line that I used each day was the grey one. But it was money and I was pleased about it.

The whole beginning of the year was then much the same. My contracts were not quite back to back, but the gaps were entirely filled with illness, so I did nothing but work or be bedridden. At one point I had two colds and two rounds of tonsilitis back to back, which led to a chest infection.

But due to my revenue, I graduated myself onto a “real” salary of £2,000 gross /month. More than I’ve ever been paid before. This lasted until the end of August.

I used it to “be London” – swanking around buying coffees and eating in restaurants. I got a pricey gym membership (another first) and even used it 3 times a week when I wasn’t ill. I bought some things for my living space, including a sofa, which according to my close friend is a “grown up” thing to buy, haha.

Mental Health

I finished up the final 4 of 6 sessions of NHS talky therpay with Uwe. It helped a lot. I feel shy writing more about it.

In May, I discovered and it helped a lot too. More in the philosophy section.


New Person from last year was/is still around and still great. However, for most of this year I was not able to visit them because of their flatmate/landlord’s refusal to allow me in the building.

The flatmate/landlord is the driven man who I fell out with in 2014. Back then, I sent an email to say I didn’t agree with some of his beliefs, and would be withdrawing from their friendship to concetrate on earning my own money. In 2015 I succeeded in that and was still visiting the house to see New Person. At the end of 2015 it transpired that Driven Man was waiting for me to ‘come around’ about my crazy decision about our friendship. I did not ‘come around’. So they banned me from the house.

Eventually, mid-year, New Person said to Driven Man that I was going to start visiting the house again and he couldn’t ban me from being there. Driven Man’s response? He told New Person to move out. There is so much more detail, but yeah that was stressful.

After a tough summer of savings and multiple job changes, New Person now has their own place and we celebrated Christmas there, woo-hoo!

Also, in late 2015 I slept with someone new. I’d met them a while before, but they were not in a good place to be dating. Now they are. I had some feels, which have waned since. I’m still not sure how close I want to be with this person.

Time changes

My sense of time has changed. I’ve come to notice this by being around people who are still in their twenties (I’m 33 now).

My friend Jo is 23 and to them, 6 months is an absolute age.

I’ve recently connected with a new partner who is 26. He is going away for four months, and hopes to stay away longer. He has more anxiety than me about the future of our relationship.

I recall being about 28 or 29 and realising, through polyamory, that my relationships will probably no longer follow the meet-date-acrimoniousbreakup pattern that was an unquestioned way of things in my “20s monogamy” phase. Rather, relationships can have ups and downs, recesses, corners, timeouts and timeins. The older I get, the longer relationships can be and the more they’ll morph.

Around this time I started saying “the future is long”, meaning that whatever stage a relationship is in now (normally just broken up), it will change over time and the change will happen quicker than you think. There is always the possibility of: -getting back together -becoming friends again -being thrown back into a life situation together -actually not really caring about them anymore.

Some of my longer-term relationships, like family and early boyfriends have followed so many twists and turns it’s now not very easy to describe them all. The swings from love to hatred to indifference to betrayal to empathy to love again have been numerous.

I’ve had a monogamous friend with whom I could have sex only when he didn’t have another partner. I saw several girlfriends come and go, and didn’t really feel particularly deprived when I wasn’t allowed to have sex with him for a while. The friendship was clearly going to endure much longer than these partners.

There is security in patience.

(Post-script: I am aware that one day, the longer I live the more likely it will be that my relationships with others will end. Time will speed up again. Relationship needs will be more urgent. I’m sure it will feel like a blink of an eye since I was here, now, saying these young things at this young age.)



Bisexuals at London Pride 2017

We ARE marching!

PORTLAND PLACE! 1pm cut off xxx

All the bi groups of London will be marching with ‘UKBiPride‘ this year as part of the ‘UKPrides’ section of the parade. They are the ones allocating our marching spaces, and I will copy their instructions here.

Order of events on the day

9am – 11am Big Bi Breakfast hosted by BiscuitMag (@Biscuitmag on twitter)

Address: Fitzrovia Center, 2 Foley Street London W1W 6DL

10.45am – 11.15am Collect wristbands

Address: UK Pride Organisers Network (UKPON) on Gildea Street, near Wogan House

11.30am Travel to form up point.

Address: unknown, usually near Baker street. We are the front of section “B”.

1pm Head of march moves off (we will start moving around 1.20pm?)

~3pm Reach end of march and attempt to enter Trafalgar square for stage entertainment/stalls

Rest of afternoon/evening: no bi specific event planned. This meetup event has co-ordination for people wishing to meet other bi people on the day:


Instructions from UKBiPride

Hello wristband holders and lovely folk on the waiting list!
Bi Pride UK want to thank you for your massive enthusiasm to march with us at Pride in London next weekend, Saturday 8th July! Below you will find some key information about the day. If you emailed us on behalf of others (e.g. a group or a partner), please forward this email to them so they know what’s happening on the day too. It’s a long email, but we wanted to make sure that you get as much detail as possible…
Meeting Point and Time:
As you will be aware, we have a very limited number of wristbands allocated to us (50). Because of that, please let us know if you are no longer able to attend for whatever reason, so that we can reallocate your wristband to someone waiting patiently on the waiting list. We have already been able to reallocate a few wristbands, so if you are on the waiting list, don’t lose hope!
We will be meeting close to the UK Pride Organisers Network (UKPON) on Gildea Street, near Wogan House. We will get there at 10:45 to start handing out wristbands to the 50 people on our list. If you do not arrive by 11:15, we will start giving out the wristbands to those on the waiting list. By 11.25, if we still have any left, they will be given out to anyone else on a first-come-first-served basis. If you are running late but are definitely coming, then please call 07837754474 and we will hold one for you.
We will be leaving the meeting point at 11.30 and heading to our place in the Parade.
We will be marching at the front of SECTION B. If this is your first Pride, that may sound very confusing; Pride in London is divided into a series of sections, each with their own theme. If you get lost, there will plenty of Stewards around with brightly coloured high-visibility jackets to ask, and there’ll be plenty of signs on lampposts telling you which section you’re in.
Clothing, Accessories and Things to Bring:
Through some generous supporters, we have procured enough t-shirts for each of our wristband holders to wear on the day! These will have the Bi Pride UK logo on them, and we are very excited to debut them here. We would very much appreciate you wearing these t-shirts while marching with us, although there is no pressure to do so, but then returning them to us at the end of the march so we can use them (after washing them!) at future events. If you would like to keep the t-shirt (because they are just that awesome), we are requesting a donation of £5-10.
Our message for this march is Show Your Colours, and so on the rest of your body, please feel free to wear and bear whatever colours or flags you feel best represent you! We want you to feel free and open to be who you are and wear your colours, whatever they might be, proudly. Banners, placards, flags, capes, face paint, hair spray, whatever, all welcome – the more the merrier.
Remember to prepare for all weathers – this is London, after all. Make sure you have comfy shoes, plenty of water (it’s a long day), snacks if you feel you need them, suncream (it doesn’t hurt to be optimistic), antihistamines and/or any medication you might need, and an umbrella (because you should always be prepared!).
Pride is a wonderful event, but there are always some people who want to rain on our parade. To make life easier for yourselves, we recommend that you don’t bring any large bags with you, because getting them searched every 10 minutes is just tiresome.
Also, the Pride in London Parade operates on a strict wristband-only policy. This means that only people wearing a wristband will be allowed to enter the Parade form up area. If you are running late and have let us know in advance, we can arrange to give you one to allow you to enter the area, but otherwise we’re afraid we’ve got to stick by the system. If you don’t have a wristband, though, that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with us, though! Which brings us to…
Social stuff:
If just marching isn’t enough for you (and let’s be honest, why should it be?!), check out the meet-up that we’ve been told about, organised by a few people for the Saturday morning, from 11am at the Fitzrovia Centre: There will also be people gathering post-parade (, so plenty of ways to keep the party going in whatever manner you’d like! For more information on these things, please use the contact details on the respective event pages.
Finally, Bi Pride UK would like to thank you again for spending Pride in London with us. We are very much looking forward to meeting you and building together this amazing community. Let’s spread the bi pride and enjoy our day!
With visi*bi*lity and love,
Allison & Abigail (Co-Chairs of Bi Pride UK) and the entire Bi Pride UK Committee


My Instructions in line with previous years

Pride colours

Bisexuals are a diverse group with no single unifiying attribute, but at Pride that means no-one can see who we are! The bisexual colour is purple, so please everyone wear head to toe deep purple outfits, so that we look like a unified block that can easily be seen. We want to be visible!

Deep purple is an unusual colour and you will not have something suitable in your wardrobe on the day. Lilac, blue or “wearing your purple socks” are not good enough! You need to go online and buy something NOW especially for the parade. We want to be loud and proud!

Here are some inspirations:

These beauties can be ordered from The Bisexual Index Their other t-shirt designs sometimes come in purple too. Make sure to select purple when purchasing!

If you can’t afford these, grab yourself a plain deep purple tshirt from ebay.

Pre-form up meeting

The pre-form up meeting is once again at The Fitzrovia Centre at 9am-11am.

Address: 2 Foley Street, London W1W 6DL. Nearest tube: Goodge Street

Here you can paint faces, change clothes, meet some other bis, have a cup of tea, eat cake, use the toilets and collect your wristband for marching in the parade. You will also get on-the-day updates that will be very important.

Attending this meeting promptly is the only way to guarantee you can march in the parade. Please attend this meeting on time!


You must have a wristband to march in Pride.

Important change to last year: UKBiPride are requiring all participants to email them directly in order ot get a wristband. The deadline is 16th June and there are only 50 wristbands to allocate. Please email saying you would like a wristband (put it in the subject line).

Last year we ran out of wristbands when we only had 50, please email anyway so that we have an idea of numbers for next year (and come along anyway, there are always no shows and dropouts).

Since we are co-ordinating with another group this year we have to arrange distributing wristbands. This will most likely happen at the pre-form up meeting in The Fitzrovia Centre.

The Parade

We must form up in <street unknown> at <time unknown>. (Likely near to Baker St Station) We will depart The Fitzrovia Center at <time unkown>.

The area becomes extremely busy and phone signal sometimes blacks out. It is quite hard to get information about the parade on the day if you have missed the pre-form up meeting. If you persevere though, someone might get back to you on Facebook, Twitter or Meetup eventually. I recommend the app WhatThreeWords, which uses a three word code to give you a map pin that is accurate to within 3 metres of a location. I’ll post our three word location once we are installed at form-up.

The parade takes a very long time to move off and reach Traflagar Square, be prepared for lots of standing and being out in the elements for several hours.

Trafalgar Square

The parade ends in Trafalgar Square and a stage with live music is set up there, plus stalls and food and drink. If you can get in (!) it’s a great way to socialise after the parade. Jon Bi from the London Bisexuals Meetup Group normally forms up a group there. More information can be found on his Meetup Page.

What to bring

London Pride is a long day that is very tiring, you’ll need to bring two types of things: extreme fun and dressing up stuff for a wild day and extremly boring things to keep you comfortable and happy on a gruelling day of standing up.

Wild party fun times: Pride is so great because the gays go absolutely wild. There’ll be all the men in just g-strings, extravagent carnival-style drag queen wonders and people dressed in leather dog masks, to name a few,  all running wild down the centre of Regent’s Street and Oxford Street as neary a million normal people cheer them on. It’s a goddam rush and is the most wild dressing up you’ll ever see, so don’t hold yourselves back 🙂

  • Facepaints, especially bi colors: Pink, Purple, Blue
  • bi flag
  • deep purple clothes, head to toe, including pants (I like to get my pants out)
  • purple/rainbow unbrellas
  • whistles
  • portable speakers
  • bi badges and stickers
  • spares for everyone else: purple scarves, hats, tops, long socks, badges anything you’ve got
  • CAKE

Why not check out the Biscuit Magazine Etsy Shop for stickers and cards.

Practical stuff: those hot men in g-strings will be wearing just two other essential items: trainers and sun lotion. Remember how you had to prepare carefully for a day trip to London, because being a tourist in London for the day is exhausting? Well this is that. Don’t be complacent just because you live here now.

  • comfortable walking shoes – VERY IMPORTANT
  • umbrella
  • foldable waterproof jacket
  • sun cream
  • hat/headscarf
  • medium/large bottle of water
  • snacks (you will be without food 12noon – 3pm)
  • cash money
  • oyster card
  • foldable layers of clothes – light jumper, leggings
  • string, tape, scissors, safety pins (useful for attaching bi flags to people & wardrobe emergencies)
  • plasters, paracetamol, antihistamines



We look forward to seeing you there!! Any questions you can comment here or email me: or tweet @ssica3003.