I’ve recently been flirting with women who are in some way unavailable. When I interact with these women the locations are varied, but when they are in public I find myself fantasising about private places in public locations where I could try to steal a kiss from them, or something more.
In a very public location, such as a pub, the one guaranteed place I can think of as a location away from prying eyes is the toilets of the establishment. Since the interaction is a girl-on-girl fantasy, I observe that I can imagine our kiss occurring in the public areas of the bathroom, ie near the sinks, by the mirrors, in the lobby section that many toilets have etc. It would only be an extreme need for privacy that would send us into a cubicle (well, for a kiss anyway).
When I have feelings of taking a girl off in private, the door of the female toilets becomes the safe zone. If the bathroom were a unisex one, then I would definitely retreat further into a cubicle. This is the first time I’ve considered the single-sex toilet as being a “safe space” for women. I have allowed discussions about unisex toilets happen to around me, and I am broadly in favour of unisex, since many problems are solved by this approach.
Being a girl who moves outside of “girl” stereotype somewhat, being more interested in games than clothes, programming than makeup, feats of strength than social graces, and boys more than girls, I rarely encounter the benefits of all-female spaces. I don’t feel actively alienated from these spaces and there are some that have strong positives, such as feminist groups, but overall I find my experiences neutral.
It is thus a surprise to find comfort in the idea of the female toilets as a safe zone, in order to be with other women. In addition to feeling more private than a large room such as a pub, I feel I can rely on social norms practiced by groups of women. These include the idea that I will not receive unwelcome attention (in the form of stares or spoken intrusion) from whoever might also be in there. Similarly, any reproach for my activities will be easily brushed off, since women reproach each other through social punishments like exclusion, (rather than, say, physical bullying) which is no threat from strangers. I even feel that if another woman from our mutual social circle should happen to see my illicit encounter with a “taken” woman, that person would have at least a 50% likelihood of keeping the tryst they’ve observed a secret.
I also reflect that the female toilets are not a universally safe space. The toilets at a lesbian club are an entirely different beast to a mainstream establishment. I have heard stories from my friends of women busting into cubicles and feeling them up even while they were pissing. But broadly, generally, as a cis-gendered woman the female toilets feel like a safe zone that can be sought out almost anywhere.
This means I’ll have to think in more depth about women-only and “safe” spaces, but I thought I’d share this little part of my sexuality with you. If me and another woman have disappeared at a party, you might be able to guess where we’ve gone.