Worst housemate ad ever

I’m clearing out my Sticky notes on my desktop and thought I’d repost this amazing piece of prose before I delete the sticky forever. Needless to say, no-one replied to this ad, which I consider to be a failure on the part of the human race.

Slutty meat eating smoker wants to live in the dirty parts of town.

Bisexual, polyamorous, feminist, activist, loud, cantankerous, meat-eating smoker seeks furnished self-contained accommodation in the dirty parts of town.

The good part (?):

I’m a manager at the council (“professional”), always pay the bills, always wash up, have no pets and I’m regularly out of the house. I have no mental health problems and have this other side of me that is kind, polite, witty, quiet and full of good conversation. Honest. I also have a vagina – which seems important to some people.

For 400 quid or less you can have me (and regular income secure for the near future). References and deposit available.

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