***this post sat in my drafts all year.Publishing the unfinished draft now before we advance too far into 2020***
Reflections post delayed by a month because I stacked up a giant project for myself in January 2020. Well done Jess.
January 2019 feels, predictably, very far away in memory.
A year of two halves. I started the year continuing the longest full time contract I’ve ever worked in London and I finally got off that gravy train in mid-June because writing/the Twitterverse were calling to me. In a satisfying twist, the rest of the contractors on my team were let go two weeks later because the company decided to outsource the whole department.
In the second half of the year I mostly didn’t work and had lots of time to write, tweet and scheme with the philosophy types in Twitterland. Nonetheless I did do a number of tiny contracts in the autumn right up to Christmas and for the first time ever, I have savings.
Early in 2019 my household was given notice to leave our beloved warehouse. We lost two months of our lives and a large chunk of money exiting our home and finding a new one. My birthday was abruptly reformed into a goodbye party, which was well attended and we had several “break down/waste removal” weekends which were very poorly attended. It was gruelling. The experience left me closer to my housemates and pretty distanced from the community that the warehouse had served for the last seven years.
We managed to find a new house all together and spent the year settling in. It’s less space for more money, but this is London, dream properties can’t last. At least we have a bath now.
Twitterland & Writing
I took a two-week trip in March to San Francisco which was an oasis of awesome amongst the work/moving house shitstorm. I met several people I only know from online chatting in real life and it was great. I also visited my mentors, David & Charlie. I had time to read, time to think and time to go dancing at a lesbian bar in the Mission.
In many ways that trip defined the rest of my philosophy year. I’ve kept on with the “let’s meet IRL” thing, to the point of setting up a private club for just that. In 2019 I met half a dozen Twitter friends, either in SF or at my house in London.
I wrote eight Theory Engine posts, including a new egregore I was super proud of and four major posts on this blog, including leaving the cult, class and gender stuff. I joined another semi-private Slack for “memetic mediators”, was a guest on one podcast, was a guest on two video livestreams, made a youtube channel with one lonely video on it and started a new business venture for IRL philosophising called Sensemaker Workshop.
I also started doing something I’ve never done before: video calls with Twitter friends.
Sex & Romance
I wrote in my diary on December 17th 2018 “still no-one to have sex with”.
On the sleeper train to Lake Tahoe in March I made out with some random dude who had been flirting with me for hours. It was extremely hot and one of the most daring things I’ve ever done. I was consumed by passion the whole rest of the trip. That week I resolved that my number 1 priority in 2019 was to have more sex.
Because I’m a good drone, I made my goal somewhat SMART: I would attempt to have sex at least once per menstrual cycle, or 12/13 times in a calendar year. Naturally building up a few partners that I can regularly shag and/or bootycall would all be part of the process.
Things started slowly. In the early part of the year I dated a guy who I’d met in January at a meetup. It was nice, we had some sex, but ultimately it wasn’t working as a relationship so we broke up and we’re still friends. Around the same time I managed to pin down and sleep with a boy I’ve fancied for literally 4 years, and managed to bone on two occasions. The number of times I tried to have sex with someone, but then they couldn’t because they got too drunk or whatever, was disappointingly high. I need to work on fancying more stable people.
It was fun to make a few unusual decisions to try to have more sex. I went to a few parties that I might not have attended otherwise, I dressed slightly differently and I bought the premium mode on a few dating apps.
I managed to find one new person to sleep with from okcupid, amongst a crop of more cringey okc dates, and my private bar membership came in very useful for that!
I also resumed sleeping with someone I live with, and that has been truly lovely.
In all, I managed to have sex on 10 occasions between March and December. I feel it’s a win! Will I have the same priority next year? I’m not sure. It seemed to only work if it was genuinely my overriding goal, and any half measures will not have much impact. I’m curious to deepen the relationships this year, because at one point in December I noticed I was feeling big emotions while having sex, and that felt really quite novel. I think I’d like it to happen more.
I read 12 books, saw 27 movies at the cinema, hosted 4 sexy parties, started smoking we’ed again after several years teetotal, which I’m super chuffed about actually. I also got into yoga over the Xmas break.